ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
