i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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