Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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