I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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