she was so not down for the gang bang
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
