I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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