these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
