I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
