She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
