saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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