just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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