your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
