I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
