It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
