if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dignity is for republicans.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
