he wants to bone in the snuggie
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
