I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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