If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
