I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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