I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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