I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
