you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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