She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
