how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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