it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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