woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
