i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
