Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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