member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
