so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
