i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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