So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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