my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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