I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
