My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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