i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
