I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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