I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was CRYING into my vagina
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
