AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
