we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
