There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sobbing to NWA
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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