My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
