i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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