dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
