There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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