I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
