3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
