I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize