the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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