And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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