I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize