god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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