I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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