She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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