she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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