just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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