i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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