Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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