It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
