it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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