Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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