Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
