Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
