porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
