he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
