is your mom at the bar?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
