When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize