im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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