you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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